We had the difficult talk with the children. I talked things over with my parents and siblings. I had the conversation with my aunts over tea and depended on them to tell the rest of the family. I was divorcing.
But social media required a different approach.
Here are some tips for handling social media like a champ.
The beginning of a split is very emotional and intense. You don’t want to write something that you are going to regret in 3 months time. I waited about 2 months after my split before posting anything on Facebook.
Make it brief (and discreet if you like).
I’ve since deleted the post on FB, but basically it said, “after 12 years of marriage, we mutually decided to divorce. The reasons are private at this time. Prayer and support for us during this difficult transition is appreciated”. Since I’m using my story as a launching pad for helping other single moms, my story is now public, but if it weren’t for that, I would’ve kept the details private.
Sharing the gist of the split is ok, but the specific details is best shared in private conversations.
Unfriend or Block the ex.
You’re splitting up. There is no need to be in his business or him to be in yours. Trust me, the more space you put between you, the better. The less you know about what’s going on in their lives, the happier you will be.
You might also ask your friends to unfriend the ex as well, because every time you tag that friend, it will show up on the ex’s feed. I also have my FB settings to approve any tags before they post on FB, just in case mutual friends tag me on a photo or location.
(On a side note, let the ex know that you’re going to unfriend him. It’s just polite. Probably not necessary if ex is being creepy or a jerk)
Never Blast the Ex. Ever.
I know it’s hard, especially when you’re hurting or furious, but this will make things so much worse in the long run.
First, it makes you look petty. The ex can be the biggest ASS in the world, but as soon as you start bad mouthing the ex on social media, it makes you look like a miserable bitch. You may be a miserable bitch, but the whole world does not need to know it. You’re a miserable bitch for the moment, not forever. Save your rants for Champagne Thursdays with your girls.
Second, it will make bad blood between you and the ex even worse. Perhaps you don’t care much about that, but when there are kids involved or assets that still need to be split, you do not want to add additional drama to the mix. There is enough drama in divorces, thank you very much.
Third, eventually you want to find love again. Any potential love interest is going to look at your past posts…what will he see? Whining, complaining, ranting and rage will not make you look good. Again, save all those ugly private moments when you can vent with a trusted friend.
Fourth, you might reconcile. Certainly not the case in my situation, but it could happen. I had 2 friends recently reconcile. Their spouses were all moved out and dating other people, and now they are working on their marriage. If you’re hoping that that might happen in your situation, then never blast the ex on social media.
Don’t Blast Men.
Yes you are burned. Perhaps you’ve started dating and have gotten burned yet again. But please, please, PLEASE restrain yourself from blasting men in social media. The reasons are pretty much the same as those above.
You don’t need belittle men to make yourself look better.
All men are not the same.
By the way, blasting men can be very subtle, so be careful. Even a seemingly funny “I’m too fabulous, that’s why I’m single” photo or “smart women don’t need a man to be happy” quote could be understood as belittling men.
If you’re the stalking type, check me out on your preferred social media fix.