Oh dear. Where do I begin?
It’s been one heck of a storm these past months, and I struggled quite a bit on how much I should share, who to share it with or even to share anything at all!
Though I have a fantastic support system (all ladies need one, for single moms it’s critical), I fear that burdening them with my problems will push them away.
When it comes to sharing things publically, well that poses a different problem.
For one, I don’t want anything I say here to return somehow and bite me in the arse. Some of the difficulties I’ve had are legal matters, and I don’t want to give the opposition ANYTHING to twist out of context.
Then there is the embarrassment of financial issues that tie into those legal matters. Nobody likes to expose that sort of vulnerability, especially when those cash flow problems could have been avoided had I been careful about tightening up any loose ends.
Yes, I’m purposefully vague about it. And yes, I’m paranoid about legal repercussions. But trust me my darlings, there was some serious financial crisis to deal with these past months.
Then there were difficulties with the school that my children attended –but that’s all I can say about that for fear of having things taken out of context (yes, legal stuff again).
Then there were heart and relationship matters tied into the mix. While mostly wonderful, it exposed an overly skeptical side of me. I don’t like it one bit, and it’s something that I need to explore more.
Then there was the passing of a friend and the passing of my grandmother –both during the holiday season…
All of this on top of the usual hub-bub of career, housework, homework, parenting, and time with friends and family.
Yes, my darlings, September, October, November, and December were nothing short of 1920’s bank robbery shootout.
So why share any of this with you? Because I want you to know that I struggle right along with you. I’ve received emails and messages –even just comments from women I meet out and about — saying that they just could not do what I do.
Raise 4 children, go back to school (grad school starts in a week!), build a career, homeschool 2 children, tend to relationships with friends and family, and take time for self care.
It’s not easy, and I never want people to get the impression that I have it all figured out.
What I do have is the belief that my situation is capable of changing if I work at it.
What are some practical things that helped me to get through this trying time? Here are my top 3:
Lean Hard. It’s ok to lean hard on your support system. Anyone who isn’t all in with you will naturally fall away. While losing relationships may seem like a bad idea during tough times, it’s actually very good thing. You’ll find that your small circle of trust is incredibly strong. Having strong people to lean on will build you up quickly and you’ll bounce back a lot faster –ready to support someone else in need.
Don’t shrink your goals, get bigger. When things get especially dreadful, there is a tendency to want to cower and change your goals into something “more realistic.” Don’t! If anything, go after your dreams even more aggressively. That’s what I did, and I’m now in an accelerated program for my masters in business. I’m nervous, but I’ve never felt so alive! Knowing that I’m actively working toward goals gives me hope for a better tomorrow for the rascals and me.
Reflect, reflect, reflect. It’s not every day that one can say that they enjoy arguing, but oddly, I’ve had two arguments that were pleasant! The key difference was that they did not answer right away. They listened to my side, asked to get back to me later because they wanted to think it over. Then they followed through with a thoughtful response. I may or may not have agreed with it, but having that moment to reflect helped them to be more thoughtful in their reply. It also made me calmly consider their position because of the validity they gave to mine. Take your time and reflect! This is especially helpful when dealing with people that know how to get a rise out of you.